Serendipity…

Wisdom Oysters for Ossie!

2012-02-03T23:40:00.000-08:00

As long as we don't forgive people who have hurt us, they occupy a rent-free space in our mind. Also, as long as love lives in your heart and as long as goodness resides in your soul, no sadness can ever harm you...

All this gyaan helps us pass the moment.. But the pain will go in its own time.... & we got to live with it till then... For dealing with the pain we have the "strong" word!

Karma's a bitch & Pain's a swine!

The twentieth pearl in the Wisdom Oysters for Ossie! series.

Miss "Us"

2012-02-01T23:23:00.000-08:00

I miss the Us that could have been

I miss the belongingness

I miss our silences

I miss those distances

I miss our fights

I miss having those waiting moments

Those moments of waiting...

For ''us'' to happen

For you to be brave

For things to move closer

As much as I hate to admit....

I miss being with you....

With being unwanted, un-belonged

All I’m left with now is...

Silent screams &Tear streams!

Three reasons why the 30+ woman is still single - By Anand Mitra

2011-12-10T23:04:00.000-08:00

As a happily married couple well into our 30s, my wife and I have a surprisingly large number of women friends who are single. Most of them are in our age group and are exceptionally qualified, articulate and financially secure. It always amazes me to see how these very traits have led to these women remaining single.

Based on my personal observations, here’s what I’ve seen typically play out (And since they are personal, and not based on extensive research, they are by nature unscientific).

One typical pattern is that in college, a woman has no dearth of guys interested in her. Her would-be suitors are her college peers, older guys who are working and even much older men who are highly avoidable. Whichever way you look at it, at this stage there are more guys interested in women than vice versa.

While she’s getting her master’s degree, this pattern continues. Assuming that she’s single at the end of her graduate degree, the attention continues to be showered on her once she enters the workplace. There are always guys asking her out and weekends are never spent in solitude.

However, during this period, a number of external forces come into play that will slowly change her position. Her girlfriends start getting married. Initially, this is a trickle, but by the time she’s in her late 20s, attendingmehendis and bachelorette parties becomes de rigeur. Simultaneously, in the workplace, there are five batches of trainees that have come in after her. She soon notices that male attention is now perennially on the younger women.

All this is happening while she’s rapidly approaching the big Three-Oh and she starts to panic: “What if I’m still single at 30?” Of course, it doesn’t help that her entire khandaan has been on her case for a while now, introducing her to a bunch of guys that she simply cannot connect with. But she refuses to settle.

Thirty has come and gone, and she’s still single. By now the bachelorette parties have been replaced by baby showers and discussions around how in-laws should be outlawed. It’s theTravel and Living Channel that is now her best friend. Many of the guys that she meets are simply looking to get into her pants or just don’t measure up intellectually. Out of sheer desperation, she attempts searching for a mate on a matrimonial site but simply gives up after her initial subscription expires.

I think there are three reasons that lead to a situation like this in our urban society today.

First is that we Indian men, for the most part, haven’t got to the point yet where we’re able to acknowledge that women can be and very often are more educated than us. It’s a complex issue that includes being mama’s boys, our inherent chauvinism, and a general inability of men to keep pace with a rapidly changing social milieu.

Second, it’s tougher for a 35-plus woman to get hitched when compared to a man of the same age. This is because a woman in her 20s is OK with a 35-year-old guy but not vice-versa. This is a function of our social conditioning where empirically most wives are younger than their husbands. Men are generally not interested in getting hitched to an older woman. This is maybe because they’d like a mate that has more childbearing years ahead of her. Or perhaps it is simply because for a man the choice of marrying someone younger exists – an option that is less available for a thirty-something woman.

Separately, women have a strong view that they are ahead of the maturity curve when compared to men of the same age. The combination of these phenomena makes it mathematically more difficult for older women to find men to marry since the pool of eligible men is smaller than that of eligible women.

Finally, once a woman has entered her 30s, she’s been working for over a decade and is financially secure, has travelled a bit and has likely been in a couple of relationships. She is far more aware of what she wants in a man – usually it’s more than his resume. It’s someone who has a range of interests that transcend watching TV and hanging out with the boys. A shared passion for music, literature, art or travel would be ideal. For many of the brilliant single male engineers, doctors and MBAs out there, they’ve likely been consumed by their work and may not be as ‘well rounded’ as the women would like.

For the few men that actually fit the bill, they’re finally in a situation where they are the desired minority. It’s a 180-degree shift from college. This realization, combined with the fact that men are not on ‘the clock’ could slow things down a bit. He perhaps believes that it’s now his turn to play the field before making a commitment.

What is most interesting is that single women are changing the rules of the game in bold ways. For example, a single friend of ours recently adopted a child and will be a single parent to her daughter. The broader social trend has certainly not played itself out fully, and we’re very much living in a society where the rules are being rapidly rewritten by women.

Link: http://www.firstpost.com/living/three-reasons-why-the-30-plus-woman-is-still-single-139097.html

Pick Your Poison, You Have To Drink It!

2011-12-10T22:54:00.000-08:00

My dad was incredibly insightful. He wasn't well educated, but he knew so much from experience. When I was dating, his favorite saying to me was, “You drink the poison you select.” I was smart, 16 years old, knew everything and thought he was out of it. He wasn't, but I was. I am a psychotherapist now, and I couldn't find a better way to tell people to be aware when you're dating; know what you want and what you don't. All the time, men and women tell me things they saw and noted with their dates, but somehow married them anyway, thinking these things would change. These things don't change, they intensify after marriage. What you marry, you live with. You drink your own poison.

If you marry someone with an addiction, it is never going to go away. They can learn to manage it, recover from it, but it is always there like a demon begging them to come back. It's tough to fight it, and they cannot fight it without your support. Telling your spouse to “get over it” is like telling you to keep a baby from coming out during labor. It is not going to happen. The baby is born, and your spouse who is an addict is addicted. It makes no difference in regards to the drug of choice. Pot, food, sex, gambling, porn, the list goes on and on. It is a poison though, and if you marry into it, you are going to drink it.

If you marry for money, you have to drink that too. It may seem elaborate or seductive during dating, but you are marrying a very isolated, lonely lifestyle if you wanted a companion. Whoever has money is invested in keeping it. That investment takes a lot of time, and they may frequently choose work over you. That investment also makes the owner feel entitled to it. They begin to think they are better than others, more entitled to the good things in life, and more deserving. They may begin to believe you are the fortunate one. After all you did marry them and their money. Soon, you are invested in it also. You need a certain lifestyle. You deserve a certain lifestyle. After all, you are entitled because you are married to Mr. or Ms. Money. I also learned from my dad the bigger the rock, the bigger the problems. Once again…the guy was right.

Dating a charmer that all of your friends love? They are so sweet, attentive, and sensitive. But just wait until you drink that poison. That is a bitter one. You find out your charmer wasn't only good at charming you, but that they also have an eye for people in need. They are great at focusing in and charming the person who needs them the most. All of that sensitivity and attentiveness once directed to you is easily aimed at another person. You are better off looking for someone who is honest and candid and maybe tells your friends the truth. Your friends may not like this person as much, but this person will be at your side long after your friends have forgotten your name.

Dating the best-looking person? Do you feel special because this person is so good-looking and athletic? All the women or men want to date your boyfriend or girlfriend? That is my least favorite poison. Most people who are really beautiful know it, and they use it. Society treats good-looking people better than average. When someone only focuses on how they look, other areas are neglected. Areas of empathy, compassion, and humility are the first ones neglected. This may create an attitude of arrogance, judging, and sometimes aggression. When we first meet someone, their looks have a lot to say, but when we get to know them, their looks change. Plain people may become beautiful and beautiful people may become ugly. Before you say, “Yes,” to this person because you are so enamored with their looks, watch the way they treat someone not as beautiful. The way they treat others will sooner or later be projected on to you, and you will have to drink it.

When you get married, you do drink a certain amount of poison. No one is perfect, and a little poison won't hurt you from time to time. A wise rule of thumb is to be aware of whatever this person portrays. Anything you notice while you are dating will be multiplied by a thousand times when you are married. Choose your “poison” with great care.

- By Mary Jo Rapini, Psychotherapist

A leaf in the wind…

2011-11-10T04:20:00.000-08:00

Nobody to turn to,

Nobody to call my own,

Nobody to hold on to,

Because some left me,

Because some I let go,

A ''love'' lost

A ''friendship'' gained

Is it really worth all the pain?

Like a leaf in the wind

Brown. Cold. Shaky.

Moving in a random direction

Is it a life that the wind chose for the leaf?

Or is it the leaf’s choice?

Who'll know? Who'll tell??

What cast has the life spelled???

I am now a leaf in the wind

Moving towards an unknown destination...

Somebody who’s withered up plenty,

In an illusionary flight

Watch how I drift…

I am a leaf in the wind… …. …

A Dream - Framed Forever

2011-07-31T06:47:00.000-07:00

Since the time we've been together

Again & again... Over the years...

I've seen it everyday...

It'll hopefully someday turn real!

Resting in the hospital room,

With our baby in my arms,

And we in yours...

As you hug us in your tangy red shirt

We smile at each other

And, our bundle of joy moves in my arms....

Celebrating our NOW perfectly complete family,

A perfect moment of completeness,

A perfect portrait of happiness,

Framed in my heart! Forever....

As we wait, for things to move

I wonder will the moment happen to us ever…

What should we more do?

To make this moment come true....

I love you, you both...

Maybe....

2011-06-20T07:20:00.000-07:00

Maybe, you will come

Maybe, you will still care

Maybe, you will spare me this despair

Maybe, you will look for me,

When I’m lost in midst of nowhere

Maybe, our paths will cross,

Someday, somewhere…

Maybe, I’ll still love you

Even when you would have

Maybe, moved on from this “Love Affair”

Remember - The Rains....

2011-06-09T06:01:00.000-07:00

Remember those first rains,

When in oblivion love blossomed…

Remember walking in the rains,

You walked - where you lived & me where I did…

Remember getting wet in that first shower

Somewhere knowing that I’d be doing the same

Feeling the divine raindrops on our face…

Remember walking in the rains, thinking….

The same rain must have poured on you too

The drops must’ve touched your heart

Just the way they did mine...

Gone are those rains

& monsoons have never been the same

Today, when it rains, we find so many pains…

While you have found your world

As I try to find mine

Somewhere, someday I hope

The rains would remind you of me

As they have today reminded me of you…

With ME....

2011-05-21T05:36:00.000-07:00

With me, be conscientious

Lest I deceive you…

With me, keep guard of your emotions,

Lest I betray you…

With me, wisely spend "together" time

Lest I squander it…

With me, keep a distance,

Lest I come close…

With me, have some ardor,

Lest I erode life outta living…

With me, save your tears,

Lest I leave you crying forever…

With me, be on your own

Because that is what you will be

When you are done knowing me…

Dheeere... Dheeere... Bhayo re Saibo...

2011-05-14T10:45:00.000-07:00

Mann yeh saheb ji
Jane hai sab ji
Phir bhi banaye bahane

Naina nawabi ji
Dekhe hai sab ji
Phir bhi na samjhe ishare

Mann yeh saheb ji
Haan karta bahane
Naina nawabi ji
Na samjhe ishare

Dheere dhere naino ko dhere dhere
Jiya ko dheere dhere bhayo re saibo

Dheere dheere
Begana dheere dhere
Apna sa dheere dheere
Laage re saibo

Surkhiyan hai hawaon mein
Do dilon ke milne ki
Ha haan arziyan hai nazaron mein
Lamha yeh tham jane ki

O kaise huzur ji yeh lab dikhlaye
Chuppi lagake bhi gazab yeh dhaye

Dheere dhere naino ko dhere dhere
Jiya ko dheere dhere bhayo re saibo

Dheere dheere
Begana dheere dhere
Apna sa dheere dheere
Laage re saibo

Dheere dheere ….
Dheere dheere ….

Link: http://sound18.mp3pk.com/indian/shorinthecity/shorinthecity01(www.songs.pk).mp3

Wisdom Oysters for Ossie!

2011-05-10T01:17:00.000-07:00

Brahma, Vishnu, and Shiva - the holy trinity or triumvirate in Hindu Mythology represent the conscious, sub-conscious and the super-conscious mind. In Christianity, they are called the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit...
These are the various levels of awareness that exist within us. The super conscious operates through the Ajna Chakra, the sub-conscious through the Anahata Chakra and the conscious through the Mooladhara Chakra!

The nineteenth pearl in the Wisdom Oysters for Ossie! series.

The Solution???

2011-05-05T08:21:00.000-07:00

Attending social functions have become an emotionally exhaustive task that leaves me drained. I hate being in crowds where I’m both alone & lonely.

The other day my parents took me to attend a ring ceremony of some distant cousin who I didn't even know existed. I have always doubted whether the “Arranged Marriage” set up really will work for me ever… But, for my parents' sake, I oblige by doing what’s expected of an "ideal daughter" who has to someday be the "ideal daughter-in-law". So there I was at the function all dolled up to be noticed by the community elders so that prospects could be recommended / approached... Like really??? Is it that easy to be noticed and then also be recommended?

Delay in crossing certain important milestones in life can be very exasperating, dis-illusionary & depressing. More so when you see your friends with their babies or expecting their second one… You begin to wonder, how long the wait will be, and will it really be worth it???

At all the sagai, mehendi, sangit functions, imagine listening to all your favourite songs and so wanting that special one with you at that point of time... Songs like Jab koi baat bigad jaye, Zara si dil mein de jagah tu, Pilu tere naino se, etc... Talk about good music being painful…

You can consider love like poetry and talk about its various senses and intents, but there is always something left over, inexplicably hovering between music and meaning. While marriage may not ne everything, but after a certain age when you long for some (right) companionship, (blissful) parenthood, and your own (perfect) family - Marriage seems to be The Solution!

Spring....

2011-02-25T05:03:00.000-08:00

When the moon shines bright,

In dark, starry night...

As I feel the sting of those salty drops on my cheeks,

My heart writhes in pain unbearably deep...

I wonder....

Will there ever be a spring,

When I too will get to feel,

A bud blossoming within me...

The Man In The Mirror...

2011-01-14T06:43:00.000-08:00

If you get what you want in your struggle for self

And the world makes you king for a day

Then go to the mirror and look at yourself

And see what that man has to say

For it isn't a man's father, mother or wife

Whose judgement upon him must pass

The fellow whose verdict counts most in his life

Is the man staring back from the glass

He's the fellow to please, never mind the rest

For he's with you clear up to the end

And you've passed your most dangerous, difficult test

If the man in the glass is your friend

You can fool the whole world down the pathway of years

And get pats on the back as you pass

But your final reward wil be heartache and tears

If you've cheated the man in the glass

-- Written by a convict; found on the walls of his cell

Wisdom Oysters for Ossie!

2010-11-09T22:15:00.000-08:00

No use stressing yourself on something, which is under your control... The truth is that everyone is a master of his or her own life... Though you may not know where life takes you, you can always decide to either take the plunge or end your life... It’s a simple statistical equation. No one else’s life depends on you... So do what will make you happy...

The eighteenth pearl in the Wisdom Oysters for Ossie! series.

Wisdom Oysters for Ossie!

2010-11-01T06:25:00.000-07:00

Losing a fight is not the same as losing the will to fight... The will to survive stems from the fact that there is someone else surviving for you....

The seventeenth pearl in the Wisdom Oysters for Ossie! series.

Why a Good PR Professional Should Be a Good Reader

2010-10-01T00:21:00.000-07:00

Public Relations (PR) consists of talking, writing, planning, building concepts, and traveling to meet people and the effective basis for all this is communication. And for the business of communication to work best, a PR professional needs to be an effective communicator.

The process, I think, is divided into the clichéd but well-accepted three stage component of:

Input (reading)
Process (thinking and assimilation) and
Output (putting your ideas across in the best possible or most suitable way)

Reading helps in developing analytical and synthesizing abilities, which in turn helps in weighing the pros and cons of any idea, concept, project or proposition, which in turn helps in better decision-making.

There are varied reading genres that provide information to suit each intellectual taste bud. Take for example how information differs from newspapers to magazines, to books (fiction/non-fiction) to even perhaps the juicy gossip on the paper wrapped around a handful of peanuts sold by some roadside vendor. Information comes in various ways and so do ideas that eventually lead to breakthrough concepts and strategies, which serve as client solutions.

Reading also makes one more perceptive because it is a silent route of imbibing ideas compared to the other social, noisy, collective ways such as watching TV. This quiet way of assimilating information allows one to understand the finer nuances, which help in comprehending subtexts and essential layers while conversing with one’s colleagues and clients. This takes the communication proficiency to the next level where a personalized / unique style of communication along with sharpness and lucidity can get developed.

Reading helps you stay abreast with what is going on in the world in general and also helps you be aware on what your clients and their competitors are in the news for. You are cued in to the dynamics of the industry, which in turn helps you arrive at a solution that is best for the client.

As a PR Professional, one needs to be well traveled, well spoken and well read to hold up a fruitful conversation. Keeping tabs on things relevant and ‘not-that-relevant’, in this competitive world, help in gaining an edge in terms of being an effective player.

Like it’s said in advertising, “We don’t know which 50% of advertising is a waste.”, similarly, we don’t know what part of reading can come in handy.

Wisdom Oysters for Ossie!

2010-09-24T06:13:00.000-07:00

Interesting work is a novel concept restricted to people who are either mad or lucky

Well it is fun to be funny, except people take you for granted many times... But it’s ok... Another bundled asset...

Certain statements create identities. So it’s not possible to replicate / duplicate them. Identities are invoked by personalities.....

The sixteenth pearl in the Wisdom Oysters for Ossie! series.

Bridges

2010-09-19T08:02:00.000-07:00

Life is all about striking a balance between knowing which bridges to build / cross, which bridges to burn and which bridges to cross & then burn… or maybe let the bridges just be. It’s not about looking back or wanting to go back, but some memories are way too precious to be just destroyed. When people change with changing time, memories are the only things that don’t change. Bridges need not only be for going back… They can also mean that while we move ahead along destiny’s path, if fate has its way then those who are left behind can catch up with us. That’s one thing…

Another thing is what do you do when you have people around you insisting on deciding for you on how to deal with which bridge? The situation can get irritating and downright annoying… Especially when you have a mind of your own, and can take decisions on who will be in your life and who will not, but have to justify with individuals who have taken the onus to decide for you!

Each bridge has its own memory, to treasure, cherish, and seek solace in deep & lonely times. For me, I’ve decided my bridge will stand tall and unperturbed on pillars of memories. Let time constantly lash against the pillars, but my bridge won’t break or erode. Vagabond waters can flow below it, but it will always be there… Unmoved, unbreakable! My life’s bridge will only be strengthened by love and memories…

Rekha Bhardwaj & Gulzaar - Tere Ishq Mein...

2010-09-13T05:42:00.000-07:00

Tere ishq mein

Haaye tere ishq mein

Tere ishq mein... haaye tere ishq mein..

Raakh se rookhi

Koyele se kaali

Raat kate na

Hijraan waali

Tere ishq mein...haaye tere ishq mein..

Raakh se rookhi

Koyele se kaali

Raat kate na..

Hijraan waali...

Tere ishq mein..haaye haaye...

Tere ishq mein..tere ishq mein...

Tere ishq mein..tere ishq mein..

Teri justjoo.. karte rahe

Marte rahe..

Tere ishq mein..

Tere roobaroo.. baithe huey...

Marte rahe... Tere ishq mein...

Tere roobaroo...tere justjoo

Tere ishq mein..haaye..tere ishq mein..

Baadal dhuney...mausam buney

Sadiyaan gini...lamhe chuney...

Lamhe chuney...mausam buney..

Kuchh garm the..kuchh gunguney

Tere ishq mein...baadal dhuney.. mausam buney...tere ishq mein..

Tere ishq mein...haaye haaye...

Tere ishq mein...tere ishq mein...tere ishq mein...tere ishq mein...

Tere ishq mein...tannhaaiyyaan...tannhaaiyyaan...tere ishq mein

Humnein bahot...behlaaiyyaan...tannhaaiyyaan...tere ishq mein..

Roosey kabhi..manvaiyaan...

Tanhaiyyaan..tere ishq mein

Mujhe toh kar..koi din gaya

Mujhe chhed kar...koi shab gayi

Meine rakh li ...saari...aahatein

Kab aayi thi...shab kab gayi..

Tere ishq mein..kab din gaya...shab kab gayi..tere ishq mein..

Tere ishq mein...haaye ....haaye haaye...

Tere ishq mein..tere ishq mein..tere ishq mein...tere ishq mein...

Raakh se rookhi..

Koyele se kaali

Raat kate na..

Hijraan waali..

Dil sufi yeh thaa....

Hum chal diye...jahaan le chalaa...tere ishq mein..

Hum chal diye...

Tere ishq mein......haaaye...tere ishq mein...

Jagjit Singh - Tere bare mein jab socha nahi tha....

2010-09-12T01:28:00.000-07:00

Tere baare mein jab socha nahin tha....

Tere baare mein jab socha nahin tha

Main tanha tha magar itna nahin thaa